I should have known that the satisfaction wouldn’t last.  Who is always satisfied?  No one should be.  Shouldn’t we always want more?  I don’t mean stuff, but more.  You know…more.  I fight wanting more because it straddles the line of discontentment-which is something I don’t want more of.  Even in a life that is so fulfilling and so blessed and as perfect as a normal life on Earth can be–I want more.

I’ve been asking God for more.  More of him.  I want to see bigger and greater things happen around me.  I want to have a greater impact.  I want to be better at being a wife, a friend, a mother. I simply want to be a better person.  In my head the soliloquy continues like so: I want to make a difference. I want to save the world!

Today I had to think about how old I am.  I thought I was still 30, but I’ll be 32 this year.  I haven’t accomplished much of anything in those 32 years.  Make no mistakes, this is NOT a pity party.  I’m just making a few observations.  I think it helps to forget how old you are, then you don’t have to feel bad about what you haven’t done.  It also helps to think about what you have done, but that’s not the purpose of this post.  I think the first thirty years of my life have been spent trying to figure things out: myself, my life, people, anything.  The rest will be accomplishing something…hopefully.

I’m glad that I have at least 40 more years to do something great. ‘Cause I really want to.  I just have no clue what it will be.  I always dream of starting something.  Sure a business would be fun, but do we really need another craft store, another bakery or another restaurant?  About as much as the world needs another blogger.  I want to focus my gifts and talents (upon figuring out, taking ownership, and sharpening them) into just the thing that will change lives.

I feel as if I’m a lot of potential sitting on the couch drinking Chai Tea while watching a movie in the middle of the day.  I’m a bit tired of having a lot of desires and a lot of good ideas, and I am a bit ready to do something. I love being at home, doing the housewife thing has been such a blessing and our family is the better for it. I’m good at it (if laundry and dishes bring down my average, I make up for it with my cooking). But  I know that this season is coming to a close and my constantly churning, creative brain needs more than a sewing machine for a challenge.

At the start of a new year I typically look back on the previous year and name it based on the common theme.  2009 sucked on so many levels that it feels like a Sodom and Gomorrah year that I will not look back on for fear of turning into a pillar of salt.  I’m looking forward and not back.  This is the first year- since I’ve started naming years- that is named at its start. This is The Year of Productivity.  One way to get more is to do something.  This is our year.  I really have a sense that this will be quite a productive year for us. In my journal, I have listed about 6 areas of my life that could use more productivity and I’m looking forward to getting things done and being well on my way to saving the world.

In the meantime I’d better go do some laundry.

Advertisements