Finally.  I finally cracked.  I’m not done yet. The emotional breakdown will continue at a more convenient hour. As a side note to the post about questions people could ask, I would really appreciate if people asked me how I’m doing through all of this. Anyway, enough of that.

Noah as resumed going to a weekly kindergarten readiness class.  They took a month long break.  He really enjoys organized activities.  I bore him senseless most days.  For the first part of the evening the parent and child are together, then we split up. I learn some parenting stuff and they learn at play.

Tonight we talked about temperaments.  I really appreciated this topic, because I don’t always get Noah and I don’t get myself.  The facilitator had the parents stand on a continuum in response to several questions about temperament–our own and then our child’s.  I found that I couldn’t really answer the questions for myself.  I know what I do, but I’m not quite sure if a lot of the things I do are simply out of habit. Neither of us mind change, it just needs to be planned for.  I am a planner, but I haven’t had much practice at it and I need a schedule, but I’m so used to not having one. Noah is always wanting to know the next three steps.  He thrives on The Plan. He loves structure, and for that reason I know he will adore school. He is persistent and I am more sensitive.  There is a little game that we will play tomorrow to talk about our likes and dislikes.  I’m excited to learn more about him (and myself)

On a related note: after I cracked Nathan asked me if I am ever happy.  On days like today, I wonder that myself. But I know that I have a childlike joy that is amazing to experience, I feel deeply and I notice just about everything.  I take delight in the simplest thing.  And as I’ve mentioned, I’m an idealist (I don’t consider that a good thing, by the way). BUT I am easily discouraged.  I also care way too much about what people think of me–in the way that I want to know what people think of me.  I hope that it would encourage me, but I fear that it would discourage me further. I’m really hard on myself.

Anyway. Lots of rambling lately. Sorry.  I suppose this is just what’s going on with me right now.  I’ll post more about temperaments in the context of parenting in a little while. I have some thoughts I’m mulling over regarding that.

–Andrea

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