and I’m stunned.  I didn’t actually ring in the New Year because we all missed it by 2 minutes  (in fact I only remember how I spent 2 of my past and not because I was drunk–I wasn’t), but on our way home it hit me.  2008 is over.

In spite of the last few months, I rather enjoyed 2008.  But 2009?  This is the first year in all my 30 years that I am not looking forward to.  I have no rhyme or reason for it.  I’m just not looking forward to it.  Actually, I think it’s because I have no idea what’s going on.  Before, my life was pretty predictable–extremely predictable.  And now, I’m still unemployed.  My husband’s job is dependant on factors beyond his control, and my flight instinct is kicking in.  I want to run…*sigh*

I don’t make resolutions.  I abhor resolutions. I do reflect on the previous year and select a theme or character goal for the new year.  Last year was the year of decision.  I made a lot of painful decisions. Adult decisions, difficult decisions, few of the decisions were motivated by the possibility of my resulting pleasure (but I think I made those too). This year I want to focus on being an encouragement to others and being more merciful.  As I take time to let the new year sink in I hope I come up with more.

Anyway.  I’m back.  Once I get film developed I will post pictures of our Christmas.  My attitude cleared up just long enough to have a wonderful Christmas Eve and weekend, but I regret to inform you that it lingers on.  Let me just tell you it was for reasons not related to the job thing.  Only ever so slightly.  It was/is a whole overarching theme that nothing seems to be going right.  But when I tell you that I’m doing okay and things are fine.  I really do mean it.  Okay, so maybe I don’t, but I really don’t want to go into it because I don’t know what to say.  Well, I do know what to say, but people are so used to me saying “fine” and “okay” I think I would scare them if I ever gave them the short 30 minute version. I think I probably would appreciate not being asked how the job hunt is going.  At this point it sucks and if anything changes I’ll let you know.

That’s all.  Happy  New Year!