I’m really surprised that I haven’t broken down in tears in some random place like the grocery store.

I’m really surprised that I’m not any crabbier than I am.

I’m really surprised that I’m enjoying things that used to make me nervous.

I’m really surprised at some of the observations my son makes.

I’m really surprised that things haven’t been more tense.

I’m really surprised by God’s grace

God’s mercy

God’s care

God’s protection

God’s provision

God’s encouragement via other people.  I am so thankful for Christians who ooze encouragement.

This is a tough time for us right now.  Nathan said it couldn’t get any worse, but the reality is that it could.  I’m bracing myself.  I’d like to not feel like I need to brace myself for the “things get worse before they get better.”  I hope this is the worst. I’m waiting to become one of those people that seems to always have God doing great things for them.  I’m waiting to become one of those people that is aware of all the great things God is doing for me.  It’s always felt like we’ve had to struggle.  Nathan and I both used to be people that so many things came easy to.  We never really had to try at being good at certain things.  Even our life in Christ was like riding a wave.  It’s never been all good or all easy, but it felt so much more effortless. Like using a tiller instead of a hoe.

Just minutes ago I turned down a 30-day temp job, third shift.  I could have been miserable for 30 days, but at least it would have been something.  The third shift thing was actually a little appealing cause I could still be at home with The Boy, but I would have had to make it to training in 20 minutes and after being second in line for a job that paid 20 dollars an hour it is really hard to now be looking for jobs that pay half that.  Things aren’t that low yet–where I’m taking whatever job comes along.  I’m being realistic in my job search as far as what I’m qualified for, I’m applying across the spectrum actually.  But soon, my bell curve will become skewed to the left (or is it right?).   I hope that in a month I’m not kicking myself for turning down that job. This past Sunday I was visiting Nat’s home church.  There is one lady there that I am particularly fond of.  I think that if I went to that church I’d have her mentor me.  Anyway, before leaving that church I had two people pray/bless me in the job area.  I felt really encouraged and it’s actually what gave me the guts to turn down this job.  It wasn’t it.

Then I spoke on the phone with a friend of ours who was giving us bad news about him, but in the midst of it he encouraged me and reminded me that I’ve got God on my side.  I forget that.  That’s pretty significant to have the Creator of the Universe on your side. Mind-blowing.