The post I’ve been avoiding since May.  Actually, it is the private post that somehow never got published.  Fancy that.  I re-read the private post and it sounds awefully melodramatic and artsy fartsy. So, I’ll try to recreate it in a more level-headed manner.

Life has a crazy way of being very spontaneous in our home.  We never really know what’s going to happen from one year to the next.  Sounds exciting, doesn’t it?  It isn’t.  It bugs the sanity out of me.  But God knows that I get bored easily, so he keeps it interesting.

I went to graduate school in psychology because:

1. I couldn’t get paid to go to school for art.

2. I wanted to be done with childcare

3. It made since cause my undergrad major is in psychology

4. We had the goal that I would be the main bread winner while Nathan pastored full time.

I got in to graduate school.  I struggled the entire time with not feeling like the program was a good fit, not feeling like my advisor was a good fit, and wanting to be at home with my kids and creating something (i.e. being artsy fartsy).  Me finding the subject matter interesting made me last about two years, then I realized it wasn’t for me.  You can’t really make it through grad school on interest alone–not if you’re someone like me.  It’s difficult enough when you know that’s what you want to do for the rest of your life.  So after, two great years of growth and mental stimulation I withdrew from the program. (Wow, I’m surprised I made that story so short.  Good for me)

So, the next plan was to stay at home with the kids over the summer then go to school to become an art teacher.  The teacher part is my practical husband’s idea, but I think I like it too.  He’s so down to earth.  I thought I was, but lately I’m realizing my head is in the clouds on most days.  Then he started applying for jobs and realizing that his job is going to play out a little bit differently than he was originally led to believe.  So, I need to get a job so we can have enough money for the necessaties AND put away money for the future. *here’s to the future*

The job I am getting now–ehem–looking for now is to tide us over until his job goes through the two year trial period.  Maybe I’ll love my job and not want to quit.  Nathan hopes that I would then come work for him as his administrative assistant (that’s also the type of work I’m looking into now).  I would love working for my hubby.  There is no one I enjoy more than him.  BUT for the very reason I’m dragging my feet on this job search thing, I don’t want to be his assistant. I’d be stuck in an office all day. Ick.

So, here I am 30 years old.  I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  But I gotta start somewhere.  I just hope it doesn’t change every two years.  There are some things in my life that have never changed.  Things that I have always wanted to do/be.  I hope that some of those things actually happen.  I have to remember that I’m only 30.  If I live to be a healthy 80 year old, 50 years is a lot of time to live.

I wish I were like this lady I know.  She always knew she wanted to be a teacher and that’s what she is.  Or this other lady that loves her job and feels like she could have any job she wants.  My private post actually talked about how I always wanted to be XYZ and I was [ ] this close to becoming that. It’s okay, folks.  There is no pity here.  I’m taking one for the team. While in the back of my mind, the bottom of my heart hoping I don’t have to. Anyway.  So, what happened to school?  I guess that’s what happened.

If anyone has anymore questions, let me know.  We’re kind of crazy up here.  I think the cold weather has gotten to us.