I willingly sacrificed our family vacation this year.  I honestly have no complaints.  I just didn’t want it to be rushed, so we decided to keep it simple this year.  Nathan had a wedding to do this past weekend so we left a few days early to go to the state fair as a family.  Previously, I made it known that I would rather not go with any other family since it was supposed to be our family vacation.  BUT I eventually agreed to going with some friends (the family we stayed with for a couple of nights).  Oh, it was funny.  The irony is I had plans for the fair, a schedule and events that we would enjoy, this family loves knowing a plan, but since they were a last minute addition it kind of through my plans off.  So we ended up not really having a plan at all.  No big deal.  We really love this family so it was fun to hang out with them in that type of situation.

So, there’s really no way to lead up to the next thing.  I just have to say it.

We lost Noah at the fair.  I don’t feel like replaying the entire thing.  I don’t want to write it down, maybe later.  Maybe in his little journal.  But know that as horrible as you think you would feel if you lost your child or if someone kidnapped your child is exactly how horrible you really feel.  You really do see the world spinning in front of your eyes.  You really do feel hopeless.  You really do feel paralyzed.  You can choose to panic or remain calm.  I remained calm.  And just at the moment I felt helpless and realized that there was no way on Earth that I would be able to find him in a sea of people and that there was no help in sight, I prayed and then I felt peace.  I remembered that peace from his surgery and from the moment they called in for the emergency team during Moriah’s birth and I knew that even if we did not find him that day everything would be okay God was in control.  If I chose to panic I wouldn’t have believed that everything was going to be okay.  Of course, we found him.  Or the cops found us.  So anyway.  It didn’t wreck our trip but the atmosphere was a little different for a while.  We’re all fine.  Not paranoid, we just communicate a little better.

Noah’s name means wanderer…

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