has never been so difficult. Being a mom is one area of my life that I have felt confident in even when people have insulted me as a mother or blatantly gone against my wishes for my children as if to tell me those desires are silly. But lately, I have been very discouraged about my parenting. My children are changing and I really don’t know how to respond. I read a chapter in a book and it was helpful to a point. I usually avoid parenting books because they have a way of overwhelming me or making feel like I’m not doing a good job. I try so hard to avoid saying, “Because I said so” but sometimes I really don’t have a reason for saying no or I’m too tired to really get at the reasoning behind it. Sometimes the reasons are just so stupid I don’t want to admit it.
I have this fear that one week of me being crabby is going to send my children into therapy at a later date. I’m trying so hard to avoid them needing therapy because of something I did or didn’t do. They need so much more than I know how to give right now. *sigh*
Being a parent is a great responsibility. I want to do it right, that even if they–Lord forbid–stray, I will know that I did all I could as a parent. I don’t think my kids are on the verge of straying, but the older they get the more their little sin nature rears its ugly head and the more their little sin nature mirrors mine. That’s very uncomfortable, very burdening, and very difficult to watch and to know what to do. I can only think about how much more I need to grow in the Lord when I see behavior in them that I do not approve of… *sigh*
I know it’s worth it. I just want to do it right.