Why is it that some decision are so difficult to make?  I am in the beginning stages of a job search and am also considering the possibility of further schooling in order to get the kind of job that I would want.  It seems like long ago when I could have been making many of these decisions I was very idealistic and the range of possibilities was wide open.  Now that I have learned more about my own interests and abilities I feel like I could more easily narrow the choices of what to do and where to go.  And now that I have a better grasp of what it takes to raise a family in this country I could also eliminate many choices.  I am no longer such a starry-eyed, dreamy college student filled with ideas of grandeur.  Attending a liberal arts college didn’t help my sense of idealism.  After living in the reality of working and raising a family, a lot has changed in my paradigm.  Now what I desire most from a career is to make a good living so that I can take good care of my family.  Secondly, I would love to find some kind of respectable work where I can use my gifts and abilities to honor the God who created me. 

I have taken several different types of interest inventory tests, aptitude tests and strength tests over the last couple years.  In addition to what I have learned about myself through life experiences, I have come to the conclusion that what I am is: confused.  I was hoping for some clarity to come to me through all of this but I mostly know some things that I don’t like or don’t want to do.  I was hoping to find some glaring gift or ability that stands out apart from the others to guide me into the path for me.  Have you ever heard people talk like that?  I hear people talk about finding that one thing you are really good at and maximizing your potential in that area.  But what I found is that there are a lot of things I could do and a lot of things I am interested in and a lot of things that I like to do already.  No “one thing”.   Thus the search continues with only minimal progress.  The good thing is that I know a lot of things I do not want to do.  I feel like I have my priorities in line (God, family, career, personal interests) and so I am sure that something will open up for me.

The other thing that makes things more difficult now is that since college I gained a wife, kids and a church.  Picking up and moving somewhere or going back to school is much more difficult than it once would have been.  This severely limits my options and will, in all actuality, probably make it easier to narrow my choices down.  But I might have to let go of the “dream career” direction.  Who knows, though?  I guess in the meantime I know what I need to do–honor God by caring for my family and working hard somewhere with the abilities He has given me.  I still believe that He will lead me to something and often the journey is more important than the destination.