After I learn of someone new reading my blog, I tend to go back and see what it is they have read. I’m usually writing in an web searching induced stupor, so I don’t usually remember what I write. So today I read through my posts from the last three months and noticed that I whined about friendship more than once in the last three months. That’s absurd. For the record, and now that my thoughts are clear and not fuzzy from hormones, I would like to explain myself, cause it needs it. You can’t go around saying you don’t have friends when lots of people who are your friends are reading this blog. I wasn’t clear, and since I noticed this comes up a lot on this blog I need to clarify, then let it go. Get over it, so to speak. This is not written for anyone in particular.
1. I HAVE FRIENDS. Lots of friends, that I know and that I love. Each relationship is different and I appreciate that. I have a few really close friends.
2. When I whine and complain about friendship I am talking about a best friend. Someone who lives in the same town or close enough that we can actually see each other. A best friend. You all know what that is, right? So, I don’t need to make a list. A best (girl) friend is something I don’t have.
3. I have gone through phases with how close I feel to my mother. I have always loved her to the ends of the earth, but I have not, until recently, considered her a friend. And no one will ever know me like Big Stud.
My issues that I need to get over. I’m not expecting anyone else to change, but I need to.
1. I let people pour their hearts out to me, but I don’t usually do it. I don’t have things to hide, but it takes a lot for me to trust someone. As a result, relationships usually don’t go very far.
2. I think that if someone has a best friend already, you can’t have two. Where’s the loyalty? I’m sure I’m wrong on it and I’m willing for God to show me otherwise, but quite honestly I’m not at a place where I would receive someone other than God telling me that isn’t true.
3. I’m impatient and maybe a bit lazy. How long does it take to have a best friend? Everyone I know it’s taken a lifetime to develop their best friend. I don’t have a lifetime. Isn’t it possible to just click with someone?
So, to close, because this topic is really old. I have lots of friends. I want to be engaged more in all of them (all my relationships, not just friendships). There are also a few ladies that I click with and I want to initiate more instead of waiting around for someone to boost my ego and tell me that they want to hang out with me. How old am I again? I’m such an infant when it comes to this stuff, but I know I have the ability. So there you have it. I’m done with this topic. No more pity parties, cause there is nothing to pity. I’m blessed. I just need to learn how to enrich and maintain relationships. So, that other post that pretty much said “you think you’re my friend, but you really aren’t” was not well said and not what I was trying to say. I was trying to say that “I’m an idiot, you’re a great friend and I suck at being your friend, but I want to get better.”