Graduate school has been good for me. I have found it a little easier to be myself (the part that doesn’t usually come out to play in front of virtual strangers). Tonight at one of our weekly receptions I found myself confessing something strange about myself. It felt good. I realized that I’m not as normal as I once thought. I don’t think anyone is really normal, we’re human. I’m just willing to divulge often secret, hidden information. I mean really, how threatening is it to expose weirdness to a faceless audience (only that I will see some of you in a few weeks). I thought I should just get all of my little quirks out on the table. I thought about doing a Friday series of Confessions of a Freak, but why wait? If you’ve read “Dancer 101” let me tell you, I get stranger.
1. This is what I confessed tonight: “I like to drive around at night and look in people’s windows.” I don’t get out of the car and I don’t make a special trip to do it. But if I’m out and I drive by a house with its lights on, you bet I’m going to decrease my speed and have a gander inside. My husband and I have even been known to pull over and discuss their woodwork or their choice of curtains. One night we got caught and this man quickly closed his drapes. 🙂
2. My husband gets these large quarter-sized gross callous, blister type things on his big toes. I think they are disgusting so he likes to peel them off and rub them on me or put them in my face. Anything to annoy me and make me leave the room. For six years he has done this. Well one night I thought, “this has got to stop.” So I took the callous from him and stuck it in my mouth and began to chew it. It was really gross (okay, not that gross), but he has never rubbed one of those icky things on me again.
3. When I was little I used to suck on the inside of my arm until I had a hickey.
4. One morning in sixth grade I could not find my other shoe (the good, clean new pair) so rather than wear an old pair of shoes I went to school with one shoe on and one shoe off.
5. I like to walk around the house and sing in this horrible operatic voice with lots of vibrato in all the wrong places and high notes. Singing rock songs in opera. It’s fun. I like it. It’s becoming something I can’t really control. I never know when I’m going to do it.
6. I used to flip people’s toilet paper when I used their bathroom if it was on the roll the wrong way. The wrong way is under.
7. I like to look at people’s butts. I also like to slap/pat butts. It’s all in a non-sexual way (trust me). I don’t slap strangers’ butts or even people I know (except my mom and two of my sisters-in-law). I don’t know why I look at peoples butts. It isn’t a time of judgement or this butt is better than that butt, I’m just looking. How does that butt look in those pants–the shape, is it flat or is it round, high or low, does it move when they walk? I ask all kinds of questions. No butt is bad. They are all good butts. And some of those butts are just begging to be slapped. My mom’s butt is one of those. I have found myself needing to restrain myself more as of late. I’m beginning to want to slap strangers’ butts. They might not think it is as fun and harmless as I do. I think butt slapping means happiness for me. I’ve more joyful lately, so maybe “I’m so happy I could slap a butt.” That’s my new saying. I’m so happy I could slap a butt!
I think that’s all the weirdness I can muster up for one evening. Do you guys do anything weird? Come on, don’t leave me hangin‘.
I hear Big Stud singing some
opera worship music. I’d better go join him. 🙂 Have a great weekend. May you be so filled with joy that you wanna slap a butt.